Sunday, February 27, 2005
I love my hunnie!
Apparently we were talking about
each other to our friends yesterday,
regarding the same issue
about our recent lack of
communication and missing each other,
although only a few days have passed.
THIS is chemistry, people.
Be envious. :D
9:40 PM
Believe me when I say..
I've found someone
I'll love for a long time to come.
:)
5:15 PM
Yesterday was simply enjoyable.
Other than the fact that
I fell out with my family. sigh.
I know I've been taking all of 'em
for granted and all,
but I'm trying to balance out
whatever's going on in my life now.
And I can't confide in them,
so that just makes matters worse.
Well, the day started off
with 'suntanning' at Cheryl's
together with Tricia.
But the three of us ended up
chatting and swimming instead of
our initial intentions.
Had fun, had fun.
Matt and Rach picked us up to town.
Supposed to watch White Noise with Tricia,
but apparently the tickets were sold out.
(HENG AHH!!!) wahahahaha kidd kidd.
Another day okay? promise. :D
And I swear it's damn cool to be able
to drive a car down to town.
Maybe I should hire Matt
as my personal chaffeur. hehehe! =x
So Chang, Rach, Matt, Wanyi and I
went to Tonkichi to have dinner.
Tricia went off to meet her friends.
Oh my my, the food was superb as usual
and darnit shit filling.
So filling that the mere smell of food
was puke-inducing after dinner.
Went down to Rach's house to play mj
and back to town to pick Tricia up for supper
after her movie 'A Moment To Remember'.
My gosh, did she cry like fuck.
Her eyes were puffy and red when I saw her.
I'm so watching that movie.
I need a good cry after tomorrow.
Well, Tricia stayed over last night.
We didn't sleep till 7am again.
She and her breaks of dawn.
Well, I had immense fun
albeit we didn't exactly do much.
Other than wrestling over the laptop,
talking rubbish, eating chewy fudge,
she forcing me to a corner,
and of course,
embarrassing me..
Hmmmmm.
It's the company that matters anyway.
and this company, I love. :)
Aye, when we watch White Noise another day,
you so gotta stay over again.
Hahaha. That was our pact anyway. :P
Okay, blogged enough.
I need sleep.
zZzZzZzZzZzZz..
4:42 PM
Friday, February 25, 2005
I've been looking for someone.
Someone I'm ready to share a love with,
for a long time to come.
As I bid farewell to my frivolity,
may it evanesce and be gone.
Someone who'll make me commit inconceivability,
as though humiliation is nothing but distant.
Someone I'll obviate the hands of time for,
so that time together will be incessant.
Someone I'll meticulously look after,
be there to shower my love and concern.
Someone I'll be thankful for everyday,
I promise there'll be no neglection.
Someone who has an impeccable essence
of capturing my fidelity true.
Someone I'm willing to give the best of me,
entirely, solely, and perpetually to.
It's not much, I know.
But to that someone, I'll give all that I am.
Everything beautiful I see, hear and feel,
I'll share it all through the touch of my hand.
And after all the lonely nights,
and believing such dreams will never come true.
On angel's wings, I've found that someone.
If only the love's reciprocated too.
11:09 PM
I think blogs are troublemakers.
Because you can't always articulate
how you genuinely feel towards something,
or there's always something else
that you're trying to conceal in between the lines.
Well, at least thats how it works for me.
And because of which,
they always seem to cause misunderstandings
and disputes between my friends.
I've never really experienced it,
until now.
Sigh.
12:48 AM
Happy Birthday, Sis.
Now you can lend me your IC
whenever I go out for a drink yes? :)
Enjoy the benefits of being 18.
It'll be my turn in 18 months.
12:25 AM
Sigh.
My insecurity is eating me alive.
12:23 AM
Thursday, February 24, 2005
One thing you must know abt Belle:
I have a repugnance for sudden changes.
I absolutely abhor it.
And to be specifically particular,
when someone thwarted my plans.
Especially when efforts have been
put into the arrangement of it.
You know what? forget it.
I'm going to sleep,
even though I'm quite far from tired.
Cause maybe when I wake up,
the blood of a bitch should be gone.
And everything will be okay.
6:41 PM
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
School was rather fun today.
Chang, Dor, Flo, Jamie & Sem crashed.
So did a whole lot of other people.
Really missed schooling with
all my fellow polka dotties.
I love my polka folks! =x
ANYWAY.
I honestly love the company of my classmates,
especially my dear beloved KARINA,
as well as my other CJ friends.
But somehow, it just feels awesome
to have my good ol' chums in school today.
I still recall those days in St Margs
where we would holler along the corridors,
laughing our asses off at the silliest stuff we do,
sleeping outside of class,
and of course, bitching and screaming and yadaweewoo.
Oh, as for me, an additional curriculum..
being summoned down to the office
to have tea with my best friend, the principal. :)
Results are gonna be out soon,
and I simply abhor decision-making.
(tricia's influence. Hahaha kidd)
But in this case,
I really have no clue
whether I should remain in CJ or leave
if my results allow me to do so.
It's blowing up my brain.
And I'm petrified to my bones
about receiving my results back.
My instinct tells me I'm gonna cry.
Seriously.
I'm fucked. :|
8:31 PM
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
I think I need to curb my jealousy.
Seriously.
Endurance.
9:42 PM
I have no absofuckinglutely idea
why the hell you've been so irascible
for the past few days.
and I fucking hate the way
you splenetically treat me.
It was absurd enough that
you bluidy accused me of being
involved in illegal activities,
or being in some emotional trauma.
I think you're being overly sensitive
and outrageously ludicrous.
And now you're snapping at every word I say.
You know what, fuck that.
It's not as if I didn't greet you,
nor as if I spoke to you in any form
of disrespect or insolence.
And now what,
you're getting your sister
to 'date' me out to find out
what's going on in my life??
Or what, to counsel me?
If that's really the case,
you're fucking rabid.
You just had to ruin my evening.
Thanks.
9:19 PM
Monday, February 21, 2005
Andrea :
hey dear, I miss you so much here.
I've been rereading your msges every night too.
Hope you'll start loving Aussie and all.
Take good care of yourself alright?
And no worries, i'll save some tears for you. :)
Tricia :
You'll always be special to me too.
And that will never change.
I promise. :)
1:08 AM
Just remember darling all the while,
You belong to me. :)
1:02 AM
Sunday, February 20, 2005
I think I should stop.
I should let her have her way,
let her achieve what she wants.
I should relinquish into crepuscule
and back off from her world.
I should suffuse my psyche
with other thoughts unrelated to her.
I should diminish my hopes,
forget about everything,
and let all this go.
I should.
But I can't.
or if I would.
12:09 PM
Crying is my hobby.
Really.
Can't believe the pain could make me tear.
What the fuck is wrong with me?!
Sigh, I shouldn't have fallen.
I shouldn't have.
Now, it's gonna take a long long time.
Yayness.
1:23 AM
Saturday, February 19, 2005
I was the epitome of embarrassment today.
You'll never guess what I did.
The inconceivability of it will shock you stiff.
Can't believe I actually did IT.
But somehow, I was really glad,
despite all the appalled stares and
baffled looks that I received,
maybe because I know she was smiling. :)
I think I looked as if I was diagnosed with
severe schizophrenia or something.
Or maybe I just looked as if I was
doing society a major favour and
directing the litte traffic there. :|
And oh my gosh.
Smth strange happened on my way home earlier.
After Dawn, Jen, Daph and Zoe alighted at bishan,
a caucasian girl approached me
and striked a conversation with me.
YOU CANNOT BELIEVE MY SURPRISE.She asked me for my name, school, age and all.
Introduced herself and asked me to go to AJ's funfair,
and kept asking if she'll see me there tmr.
Oh, and she knows about CJ's band concert,
and she asked if I'll be going too.
It's really bizzare, don't you think?
Plus she's a year older.
But it's quite a compliment eh!!
Maybe I should just go to AJ's funfair tmr.
Hahahahaha. :D
12:21 AM
Friday, February 18, 2005
The uncontrollable feeling,
the uncontainable tears.
The wrenching soreness of the heart
insinuates despondency drawing near.
Once felt but forgotten,
as it eclipses into the obscurity of its lair.
unearthed by your inimitability,
surging out on tides of despair.
I'll give up what I really want,
for your wishes to come true.
Because it's always you before I,
and I genuinely care for you.
I miss you.
5:50 PM
tears.I've been getting an overload of them.
My eyes need a break.
Sigh, ohwell.
Belle's fine, really.
3:05 PM
I kept looking at your msg today.
One in particular.
My stare was locked, focused.
I read the lines over and over again.
And that's all I did during my break.
Yeah, silly me.
And still,
I'm sitting on the horns of a dilemma.
12:32 PM
I was probed yesterday
if I had anything I want.
And peculiarly enough,
I couldn't seem to find a materialistic answer.
Yes, I want new clothes and all,
but there's nothing in particular that I really like.
And in contradiction to that,
I don't think I'm contented either.
In fact,
as of this current moment,
all that I really want are the impossibles.
One of which,
I want Andrea, Cart & Em back.
It's an impossibility.
I miss the 3 of them so so much.
It's like being filled to the brim
with emptiness and nothingness.
:(
12:21 PM
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Just came back not long ago.
School was much better today,
as I only attended two lessons.
Geography lecture and PE.
Well, but mainly because
she's not angry with me anymore. :)
Went out to town with her after school,
and Sem met us for dinner.
Had fun, had fun.
Although I was their bag carrier.
Well, sent her home cause she was sick.
That silly girl doesnt know
exactly how to tcare of herself. :|
Albeit little words were spoken during the journey,
I just felt.. really glad. :)
Oh, and her sister boarded the same bus.
So coincidental, and petrifying.
Was prepared to jump out of my seat any moment.
Hahaha but nothing happened of course.
I'm still in one piece. :b
Ahhh, and she's not going to school tmr. :(
sigh ohwell, just want her to recover soon.
And I'm starting to doze off the com again,
so good night, folks! :)
11:19 PM
If I'm not wrong,
my mom is starting to suspect I'm attached.
Hahaha.
I can only wish.
It's impossible anyway.
4:27 PM
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I love Dawn Lee very very much
just as who she is, without any alterations.
She's dearly perfect in my eyes,
and I can't be more grateful to have her with me.
I love you, hun.
Forever and ever and ever.
Amen.
This is my declaration of love.
Just for you. :)
10:54 PM
Andrea and Cart have left.
And I'm missing them so much already.
I couldn't stop crying
when I sent Andrea off.
I really did not want her to leave.
And this dread was ever since last year.
I just hope I wont start crying again tonight.
Sigh.
Things are definitely not gonna be the same
now that Cart and her have gone.
Come back soon, you two.
Take good care of yourselves over there.
You'll be in my thoughts everyday. :(
And I hurt someone really important to me today.
I'm such a fucking dimwit I swear.
Why do these things always happen to me?
Why do I always have to screw up?
Sigh, I'm so sorry.
I just really pray that you're alright now.
Fuck la, I really hate myself.
She is heaven brought down to earth,
but I made her think she's a bitch.
All I wanted was to see her smile,
but instead, I made her cry.
She means so darn much to me,
yet foolishly, I've hurt her.
I wanted to let her know how wonderful she is to me,
but thanks to my stupidity, she thinks otherwise.
I'm sorry. :(
12:14 AM
Monday, February 14, 2005
Albeit I was depressed the entire day,
(stupid valentines day)
the most inconceivable thing happened.
Oh my oh my..
I still have no recovered from the incredulity.
Denise. (THE eyecandy of mine)
She came over to my table during break,
where only Karina and I were sitting,
She looked me in the eye,
she smiled at me,
wished my Happy Valentines Day,
and shook my hand!!
OH MY GOSH.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED.
Never have I talked to her before,
and this is just too sudden for me.
I was flaming up rapidly after the realisation.
All her friends were laughing,
and so was karina!!!
So embarrassing la!
Apparently, she knows that she is my eye candy.
Why do my eye candies ALWAYS have to find out? :|
Oh, and Stacy was rather surprised
when I gave her a little valentines' present.
Love making people smile. :)
Well, other than that,
The entire day was rather melancholic for me.
Some do know why.
Oh, and my phone got confiscated.
But of course, it's back with me now.
Karina did all the pleading.
Hahaha, thanks girl. :)
I really need to know what you're feeling.
Leading me on, make believing?
So what exactly am I to you?
Another toy? or perhaps just another fool.I'm sorry.
Please forgive me. :(
4:32 PM
Bluidy Belle is a fucking fool.
Yeah, not surprising.
Should have guessed you were just
taking me as a substitute for her
while she was not around.
Why didn't I think of that earlier?
Fuck man, I'm fucking stupid.
Cursed Valentines Day.
Waste my fucking money only.I'm sorry.
Please forgive me?
12:14 AM
Sunday, February 13, 2005
I was hesitant before,
unable to decipher what my feelings were.
And now when I came to realise,
and am affirmative of
this rush of butterflies
tangling within me whenever we meet,
I am afraid.
Afraid that I'm really just a game,
a form of entertainment
to spice up this mundane life we're living.
Or a spiteful tool you can use.
Or maybe you're just leading me on.
For the sake of fun, being loved, being wooed.
What am I really to you?
honestly, I'm clueless.
1:45 AM
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Distractions distractions distractions.
I seriously need them right now.
I need to digress my thoughts about her.
Oh wait,
she just called.
SIGH SIGH SIGH.
I need a lifeline.
NOWWWWW.
11:38 PM
Today's a happy happy day.
Well, almost.
Saw many people who made me smile today.
But I didn't manage to meet Andrea.
Sigh, really miss you, dear.
People I saw who made me smile today :
1. Dawn
2. Sem
3. Kyna
4. Tricia
5. Sophie
6. Cheryl
7. Cart
8. Wanyi
9. Alice
10. Denise
11. Doreen
12. Jialing
13. Huijiun
I can't remember who else.. :
Heh.
10:32 PM
Monday, February 07, 2005
I don't know exactly what I'm doing,
nor what I'm feeling anymore.
I'm irrefutably foozled in this situation
which I never thought I'd be implicated in,
as the role I'm featured as right now.
It was not the way I envisaged it,
nor how I thought things would turn out to be.
Everything just seems to be erroneous,
unfitting and incogitable.
I was on the horns of a dilemma earlier,
and now the horns have just heightened.
I honestly wish that I knew what
exactly is going on in this/our "story".
Is there even an "our" to begin with?
Then again, I already know that whatever
that I'm saying is counterfactual.
My own hypothesis of denial.
And what you just told me has laid
an undeniably heavy weightage on me,
instead of the feeling of being honoured.
I seriously doubt that you are not
knowledgeable about this predilection.
It's like repudiation smacked me right in the face,
only that you did it inadvertently.
I just hope that the after-effects of which
would soon relinquish and dissipate into nothingness,
then maybe tmr would not be too awkward afterall.
1:44 AM
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Exhausted and Exasperated.
That's how I'm feeling right now.
Finally, the weekend is at it's culmination.
And a new week is about to commence.
I wonder how it'll be like.
Albeit the weekend was merely 2 days,
it seemed much longer than that.
Or maybe, it's due to my enervation.
So many things happened during the weekend,
that I myself find it rather inconceivable.
And I've been spending huge sums of money
for the past few days.
I honestly question how I'm gonna
save up that much cash again.
Hopefully the new year will aid me on this.
Well, slept over with Tricia at Sem's last night.
Was supposed to go down to Mystique,
but due to certain constraints,
I had to waive clubbing.
But I still had fun (alot of fun) anyway,
despite Sem being on the phone the whole time,
and sleeping awfully early,
leaving Tricia and I to entertain ourselves.
And that idiot forbidded me to sleep
until she witnesses the sunrise from Sem's bed.
But in the end, she fell asleep and so did I.
Sunrise, kiss my buttcheeks man.
Hahaha, silly la.
And the reason why I'm so delibitated
and so deprived of my beauty sleep,
is none other than Tricia Tan.
She snagged my moiety of the blanket
and left me shivering in the cold,
causing me to wake up at 9, 10, 11, 12. :|
And everytime I do so,
I have to tuck her in warm and nice,
because she keeps kicking the blanket off
despite the gelidity of the room.
Troublesome.
Anyway, I think I made a couple of people
peeved at me this weekend. :|
Cheryl - Didn't spend time with her and the group.
Andrea - Played her out and didn't go down to Mystique.
Dawn - Supposedly abandoned her and didn't meet her.
Mom - Returned home only at 9plus at night.
Jo - Hmmmmmm.
I'm quite an ass, aren't I?
Sigh, ohwell.
My hair's rather black and I'm tired.
So, good night world.
11:09 PM
Friday, February 04, 2005
Taufik - Missing You Always
Still my no.1 even though you're gone
Love's still burning string feel I can't move on
Seems I've lost my way.
Things just ain't the same
How I wish I'd stayed close to you
I know the rainy days ain't over
when I think of you
I know I'm not out of this storm yet
cause I'm feeling blue
When you see in my reflection looking back at you
I'm just trying to say
Chorus
I'm still missing you
Like the storm misses the rain
Like a warm summer's day
I'll be missing you always
I'm still breathing you
Like you're here in my arms
Like you're not even gone
Will I feel like this always?
Cause I'm still missing you
Thought I wanted out,
too young to be tied down
Things seem clearer now
Should have stayed some how
Hope it's not too late
Could I just try explain
Wish I could heal the pain caused to you
I know the rainy days ain't over
When I think of you
I know I'm not out of this storm yet
Cause I'm feeling blue
When you see in my reflection
Looking back at you
I'm just trying to say
Chorus
I know the rainy days ain't over
When I think of you
I know I'm not out of this storm yet
Cause I'm feeling blue
When you see in my reflection
Looking back at you
I'm just trying to say
5:17 PM
Today was.. well, 'memorable'.
I accompanied Grace down to the canteen
to grab her breakfast,
and on the way up to class..
GUESS WHAT?
While briefing the Hockey guys,
Brother Paul shouted for me.
(he's CJ's principal by the way)
Yes, I bluidy got caught!
How unfuckingfortunate.
And the first thing he said to me was
"you're the kinda student I don't wanna own here."
In front of everyone, by the way.
Imagine my humiliation.
SIGH.
And what was I seized for?
1. Inappropriate hairstyle.
2. Unacceptable hair colour.
3. 3 earrings on the left ear.
4. Wrong uniform. (I wore a pinafore)
5. Spectacles that are too outstanding.
What the fuck la!
Thank gdness I took out the wristbands I wore,
or else it'd be way hell.
So I had to go to the toilet
and FLATTEN MY HAIR!!
It was only the starting of the day.
And when Brother asked me what CCA am I in,
I was seriously stumped,
so I reluctantly said "Bridge club". :|
Albeit the situation seems rather severe,
I kinda enjoyed talking to Brother
despite his weird assumptions and comments
about why am I dressed this way.
Seriously.
He said a lot of stuff that instigated me
to burst out laughing at its ridiculity.
But of course, control is power. :)
Well, after the lecturing and all,
both Michael Tan (the DM) and Brother
thought that I was a nice girl.
Heehee.
But still, I have to report back on Monday.
I don't wanna go for detention!!!
Sigh sigh sigh. :(
Oh, and which daph signed my gbk?
Hello to you too, by the way! :D
4:33 PM
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Why do I feel as if
I'm no longer close to Cheryl?
Albeit I love CJ alot,
sometimes I wish I were in MI.
At least I'd be with my friends,
and when we hang out,
it wouldn't be as if I'm an outsider.
Now it's all MI friends.
I don't even go out with people from CJ.
Well, barely.
I wish I do though.
They are all great fun.
Ahhh, whatever man.
11:06 PM
For the past couple of days,
I've been sitting on the fence,
on the horns of a dilemma.
Deliberating if I should take a step forward,
or a step backward instead.
Today, she affirmed my decision for me.
Inadvertently, most probably.
Well, it's time to step back.
Karina had better help me on this.
She's my personal advisor by the way.
Teeheehee. =x
10:08 PM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Just reached home.
I'm completely exhausted.
My eyes are shutting in on me.
and yes, there's still school tmr.
Cross Country wasn't that bad afterall.
Like karina said,
thought it was gonna be never-ending,
but it ended pretty quickly instead.
Quite fun, quite fun. :)
Went to bishan to have dinner with
my classmates as well as Dawn!
And almost everyone thought that
I was going after Dawn or something la,
or we have something going on.
Hahaha, but we do what, right hun?! :b
So, we had dinner at Delifrance
and all 8 of us went to take neoprints
except Dawn who refused to take. :|
We were making helluva noise la.
Hahaha, it was really enjoyable though.
And albeit being overly drained,
I still waited.
Definitely felt like a fool after which though.
So bluidy extra la.
Argh, like what the hell am I doing?!
But nonetheless,
at least she got home safe.
That's all that matters.
Oh, and I met kyna this morning at
ijtp's bus stop. Hahaha.
So coincidental la.
I always seem to 'bump' into her.
Fated eh! hahaha.
Was nice seeing her again though.
Definitely a good way to start off my day. :)
Alright.
Good night, world.
Belle's retiring early.
Hope tmr will be a better day.
10:30 PM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
I just told Tricia abt it yesterday.
And history is so blatantly repeating itself.
Hah, what a sick joke.
Maybe it's really trivial,
or even, maybe it's nothing at all.
It just doesn't give me the right vibes.
Do whatever you want,
just don't fucking let me find out.
Not Again.
11:18 PM
